For John ..... Forty Years ..... from Sandy, because I love you.

When we married at 22 and 23 we were young, a bit naive about marriage, but happy and hopeful for the future of our marriage, our life together. Now, in our 40th year together, when many of our age have called it quits and divorced (sometimes more than once), we are still together.

What does that mean?

For one thing - and I especially speak to the unmarried youth here - it shows that, YES!, it IS possible to wait for, and MARRY - not just "hook up" (yes, kids, I know what that means) - but MARRY - that special person, and grow old together. It means you can continue loving each other and stay married through the ups and downs of marriage.

Yes, we have argued (and still do) during these forty years. (Ask our kids - who sometimes make it sound as if that is all we ever did!). We've disagreed. We've been frustrated with each other. There have been moments we've been so tired and discouraged taking care of four kids, pets and others - that we wondered why we even started. We have had some very sad and serious family incidents that have sent some couples in two different directions. We've made several drastic moves in our lives and had to cope with all that that brings on (like learning another language). We've had deaths of loved friends and family members, which often causes couples to shut down with each other. There have been serious health issues.

In short, our marriage has gone through, and still does, many of the same things others cope with.

And we are still together.

So, again - what does that mean?

Well, in spite of any of the "downs" these past years - it shows that we honored our love and commitment to each other. We didn't walk away when the hard things happened. We worked them out. Together. Forty years together proves you can do it. And be happy.

I don't mean to sound judgmental to anyone - as there are many reasons why a marriage dissolves; we are human. I do, however, think our youth need to hear of the marriages that succeed. They need to hear that you can meet, fall in love, and NOT sleep with someone before you are married. That sex is great and wonderful and good - and you CAN hold off until marriage. That you really CAN do it God's way. That, once married, you CAN work through the arguments, disagreements, etc, and STILL love each other, and stay together. Our young people today are rarely hearing this.

Being married forty years also means that there were so many more "ups" in all of those years than "downs". Forty years of marriage means going through forty years of life with someone you love dearly. It means forty years of having that person there to share with - the fun and happy things as well as the hard and heart-breaking stuff. It means having the person you "made" those four kids with ("made" is the way the French say it) right there helping raise them, loving them with you. It means having someone you can trust and depend on always. Never having to worry about another man or woman coming between you - because you respect and love each other enough. Because you have promised God, and each other, that you will flee temptations...and not put yourselves in positions that invite those temptations. You cling to each other. It means having someone there for forty years to hold your hand, be by your bedside,put a cold rag on your feverish forehead,clean up the vomit, sit up with you in the hospital, pray for you.

It means forty years of sharing laughs,talents,food,books,gardens. Having someone there to come home to. Having someone who can usually speak the words you are thinking - because you have come to know each other so well.

And forty years together means, though the physical bodies are now sagging, bagging, dragging and graying - you STILL see each other almost (I said "almost"!) as when you first met. It means that after forty years together you look at, but past, those physical changes.....and still want and see the person you first loved and said "I do" to all those years ago.

And love each other all the more. At least, that's what forty years together means to me.

And you thank God.